Inferiority complexes begin when we’re young. At least mine did. It all starts when the other kids in the class start talking about their shoe size. Mine was always a few sizes smaller. Then in the class photos, I’m always the one on the far right or left…in the front row…with all the girls.
After that, there’s jr. high and its a race to see who’s voice gets lower the quickest. No one wants to be the kid with the squeaky voice, right? So, if your voice is last to go, the overcompensation stage begins. You puff out your chest, you constantly joke, and you’re ready to fight whoever makes a comment about your small feet, your height, and now your squeaky voice.
Then there’s high school. Where to begin? I guess it starts with who’s got the hottest girl and who get’s the first kiss, or the first whatever. I was never the promiscuous little guy, but I realize thats the cool thing to do in a lot of people’s minds. Gosh, there’s too much to count in this stage. Athletics, where to go to school, who you hang with, blah, blah, blah.
College was a little different for me. I felt inferior for very different reasons. I always admired the kind of person that was self motivated. I feel like thats what college is all about, a lot of motivation, and a lot of discipline. Since I struggle with both of these, these people were my enemies, whether I admitted it or not. I even had friends that excelled in this area and it still bugged me.
Whats crazy is that there’s a ‘now’ stage as well. At least for me there is. It almost feels like you grow up wanting to be older and wiser and skip ahead to a certain age where it would all make sense and even out. ‘Now’ you want to turn back time and do things different. You want to change your decisions so you can be in better shape than your friends who make more money than you, who have the better house, who can better provide for their families.
When does it ever stop? Maybe I was never meant to be “superior”. I mean, who am I really inferior to anyways? I don’t know if everyone feels the same way. Maybe everyone feels the same way, they just feel it in different areas.
These stages are nothing more than proof of the safe life that I’ve desired to live. Finding the “american dream” was somehow implanted into my very being. I haven’t fully figured out how to escape the robot shell that I’ve built around myself, but I’d like to. The world needs more humans and less programmed robots. I believe the people that figure out how to lose the robot mentality are the superiors. I have met them, they exist, a lot of them are my friends. Maybe they never dealt with the same things I struggle with, but I hope to join their kind soon.
This all comes from a guy who still feels small. I don’t want to be bigger or wealthier, or have a more successful career, I just want to be human? Who am I kidding, I want all these things and this battle never ends…
